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all look at the rope, and then they all peer into the void within the left wing.)
BALDMAN
(Mimicking the amusing, droll voice of Peter Sallis.)
Now then DogMan! I can see what’s happened … what we need is … a hammer!
(DOGMAN crosses the stage, exits right wing. Two seconds later he returns carrying a large club hammer with a 50cm high handle. It’s a stage prop with a head made of cardboard and covered in a thick crocheted layer of wool. DOGMAN hands the hammer to BALDMAN.)
Thank you DogMan.
(BALDMAN takes hold of the hammer, stands astride the rope which is stationery on the floor, and appears to examine something within the void offstage left. He is unable to see anybody on the remainder of the stage. SMALLBANANA enters from the far right carrying an enormous hammer about one metre high. DOGMAN and HAYWIRE both notice and start making distressing noises, ‘ooh, ahh, no’. BALDMAN can hear the commotion, yet continues to stare into the void.)
What’s all that noise DogMan? Stop it! I. Am. Trying. To. Concentrate!
SMALLBANANA
(Performing a bouncy walk across the stage, SMALLBANANA glances briefly at the audience, then approaches BALDMAN from behind. DOGMAN and HAYWIRE silently mimic The Scream by Edvard Munch, but say nothing, and do nothing. SMALLBANANA strikes BALDMAN on the head with the enormous soft hammer. SMALLBANANA speaking as the hammer strikes.)
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