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(Offstage in the right wing are KRISTALCLEAR and CONNING, members of the stage crew.)
CONNING
(Whispering.)
That was amazing. So much better than his ‘buttercups’! He couldn’t have written that himself though!
(KRISTALCLEAR – the Prompt – has a full copy of every script for every Act.)
KRISTALCLEAR
(Whispering.)
It’s the Scott Rochester version from 2025 not 1875. AuntSylvie found it in the library!
(On stage GORDON BENNETT acknowledges the applause, but is anxious to leave, aiming to return to the right wing. He watches as the curtain begins to close. Each side moves only one metre and then shudders to a halt.)
SCENE 6
(The mock fiasco with the curtain is part of the show. The stagehands HAYWIRE and NUTJOB are in the left wing. Over in the right wing the pantoesque characters BALDMAN and DOGMAN, first seen at the bathtub regatta, are ready. Ham fisted melodrama ensues.)
HAYWIRE
(Loudly, whilst offstage left.)
I can’t! It won’t move!
(Walking backwards, bent forward a little, entering stage left, pulling the end of a taught rope, ignoring the audience and focusing only on the rope.)
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