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Chapter 32
On the Wolf Wavelength

Over breakfast Bob and Sophie Burgess are chatting about the local area, the farms, the smallholdings, and the people who run them. NutJob is trying to eat toast as politely as he can without getting crumbs everywhere. KristalClear is providing a summary of the itinerary for today and tomorrow.

“Well, if there’s nothing on the agenda until lunchtime,” says Sophie, “you two should get out and explore the village, walk along the river, and visit the surrounding countryside.”

Constable Burgess says, “it’s completely different to the city. I lived in Lancaster until I joined the police. Did my training there, and then I was posted to Ulverston proper.”

“Bob and I met in town, and then after we married we were offered a police house here. As long as he accepted that this sort of rural job is quite different.”

“No crime!” says Burgess. “well nothing worth talking about, Mrs Higgin’s once managed to lose her dog. Mr Fotheringham swore blind that his neighbour’s goat had been eating the socks off his washing line. And CrankyHandle reported that someone’s been stealing his shadow. Turns out he was just out a bit earlier in the day for his morning walk.”

“The peace and quiet here in Penny Bridge is its most bothersome feature!” says Sophie.

“Do we still need village Bobbies then?” asks NutJob.

“My job is mainly community relations,” says Burgess, “stopping crime before it happens. I do lots of school visits, lots of villages, that’s why I’m based out here. Education.”

“And,” says KristalClear, “that’s why CandiCrush said we should come to your place in Penny Bridge. You know everybody!”

“More importantly,” he says, “we have a nice, big, old fashioned police house, with extra room. Hence we often have visitors. Official, unofficial, and demi-official. Like you!”

“But you don’t have a horse?” asks KristalClear.

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two of you would be here. Will you two need one room tonight, or two?”

The strategy and the question were planned in advance, and beautifully executed by Burgess in a careful and completely casual manner. NutJob hadn’t even thought about it, just assuming that there would be two rooms. But now that he’s been asked, he starts thinking quickly and quietly to himself “wow, that’s a good question! Do I really have a choice? When is the right answer going to be one? Not now, that’s for sure!”

In an equally casual voice, NutJob calmly says, “two, definitely two.”

“Good answer!” says Burgess, grateful that CandiCrush predicted that correctly! A delicate matter has been resolved exactly when, where and how they had wanted.

In a fatherly tone, yet still calm, warm and friendly, Burgess adds, “one day NutJob, maybe sooner, maybe later, the answer might be one. But it’s her choice, not yours. You wait. It doesn’t matter how long you wait, you just wait. She’ll be happy to give you the hint. It might never happen I simply don’t know. Right now Kristal probably doesn’t know either. But when she does know, she’ll let you know. Be patient!”

“And don’t tell her that we had this conversation!”

In the ladies’ room EarlyBird explains exactly what Burgess is doing. KristalClear is crystal clear on everybody’s good intentions. She doesn’t doubt for a moment that CandiCrush is behind it.

Before the trip, KristalClear had been thinking deep down that one day this subject is going to come up anyway. Perhaps there could have been a better way for her to handle it herself? Or perhaps this helping hand was best? In any case, it’s sorted now. Not only that, she has both sides of the story, and NutJob doesn’t.

“This is why ladies always go to the toilet in twos,” says EarlyBird, “and don’t tell him that we had this conversation!”

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“You’ll see The Warren tomorrow,” says EarlyBird, “and it’s not exactly surrounded by wolves. We hardly ever see one.”

“Where are you staying tonight?” asks HopAlong.

“The Garrison has fixed up everything,” replies KristalClear, “we’re spending two nights with Constable Burgess at his house in Penny Bridge, and then we’re back in Ulverston at the barracks for one night, before we take the ferry home.”

“Oh, and Dave,” says EarlyBird with a smile, “in her letter, Kristal’s already told me how you got your nickname, NutJob. You’re into machinery and gadgets, and anything that moves! You’re working with Faraday on labour saving devices!”

HopAlong’s eyes light up, “NutJob? You make things? Labour saving devices? You couldn’t design me some self milking goats could you?”

Walking smartly through town, Bob Burgess is hoping to join the meeting before it’s all over. He enters the café just in time to see them all sitting at the table with lots of empty tea cups. Introductions are made, and pleasantries exchanged.

“Need the little boy’s room,” says HopAlong, “all that tea you see,” and he slowly makes his way to the back of the café.

“I can’t stay long, but I wanted to let you know that the Garrison is laying on a carriage for us at 19:00,” says Burgess, “you two have another hour in town still, and I’ll be back here in time for the journey to Penny Bridge.”

Unnoticed by the two youngsters Burgess looks EarlyBird in the eye, and quickly winks. She takes the hint.

“Kristal, let me show you where the ladies’ room is.”

Now alone with NutJob, Burgess keeps his cheerful chat going.

“She’s a nice girl isn’t she?”

“Very nice!”

“You’re lucky to find somebody like that. It was going to be only her originally. But Commander Crush mentioned that

 

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“But he’s not sure about horses,” says EarlyBird. She knows the back story.

HopAlong tells everybody that wolves can sometimes be seen roaming the fells and the dales just beyond the towns. That much is true. What isn’t true is how he injured his leg. Apparently, one day he was trying to keep a wolf away from the hen house, and got into a frantic fight, kicking and punching. He was bitten by the wolf before it ran off.

He made EarlyBird promise to keep things secret. Nobody else knows that HopAlong was actually kicked in the leg by a horse, and he’s too embarrassed to admit it.

EarlyBird was the only other person there so she looked after him. Living many kilometres out of town, they didn’t have easy access to a doctor, and even if they did, they didn’t have the money to pay for treatment and after care. Over time, the broken bone set by itself, a little crooked.

Co-incidentally, the hen house does sometimes receive unwelcome attention from wolves. When he was a much younger man HopAlong once killed a wolf. He’s still pretty good at archery, but only uses it to defend his farm The Warren from predators.

The couple made a good deal of money from that one dead wolf, every bit of the carcass was valuable, with the wolfskin being the most prized asset. He says he’d like to bag another one if he could, but mobility problems have stopped him from becoming a hunter.

Nowadays one of the redundant llama compounds contains the hen houses, and the other one has the goats. They’re both completely fenced in, with wire netting all round, and overhead. They’re impenetrable by wolves. The chickens and goats are completely safe, and they have a vast amount of space!

“I can’t imagine what it’d be like to live on a farm surrounded by wolves,” says NutJob, “I’ve lived in the city all my life.”

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out a young, slim girl with long flowing hair. HopAlong didn’t know that she would have a companion.

“This is my boyfriend, NutJob,” she explains.

That brings a look of surprise from HopAlong.

“NutJob?”

“Just call him Dave, that’s his real name, he can explain his nickname later, it’s a long story!”

“Delighted to meet you … Dave! Call me HopAlong, everybody does. Gammy leg you see. That’s also a long story!”

The waitress brings some more tea. The tray has an elegant China teapot, with matching cups, all of which are tastefully decorated with an eye catching picture of the Ulverston fire breathing wolf.

“We long ago retired from mainstream farming,” says EarlyBird, “and over the past five years we’ve been trying to generate an income from raising llamas.”

HopAlong chips in, “selling their wool.”

“It’s a delightfully soft and warm wool,” says EarlyBird, “which gives clothes an enviable, luxurious feel.”

“But it’s a costly business,” says HopAlong, “with the price we needed to sell the wool at, the clothes just ended up being too expensive, and the whole thing is just not viable.”

EarlyBird continues, “llamas are delightfully affectionate creatures, they’re curious, and they love human interaction.”

“But ours could be a bit mischievous and temperamental!”

“Anyway, the llama farm has ceased.”

“Now, I keep a few chickens and two goats, HopAlong has a vegetable garden, and we’ve been thinking about using our smallholding to run a stable or something similar. Nothing too demanding though!”

“His tedious leg injury and my old age, mean that we don’t want to manage fields. No crops, no herds of animals, just something simple that we can operate in an old converted llama compound. Maybe horses?”

“Employing a farmhand or two,” adds HopAlong, “I’m not doing it all myself!”

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thirty passengers on an open deck. The shallow hold beneath the deck is big enough for a few sacks of mail, and a little light cargo. Newspapers for example!

Visually striking, it has a soft, gently ruffled magnolia band sitting above the waterline, topped with a narrower band of moody space grey which rises to the caprail. It’s a colour scheme which resembles a puffin. As the ferry crests and dips among the waves, the colourfully decorated bow, with interspersed chevrons of bright orange, dark grey, and soft yellow, appears to repeatedly peck at fish in the water.

Children are thrilled watching The Puffin come and go. One day, they hope that the bow will rise carrying a small brace of sardines. Just like the beak of a real puffin!

Slowly, cruising past the tiny barracks of the combined Constabulary and Garrison, and the stables with only six horses, The Puffin edges towards the far corner of the docks where SeaBird Logistics is based.

On their way back from their Saturday afternoon fishing trips, three or four pretty blue and white boats are berthing already. The boats’ bells sound from time to time, their crews bellow instructions to the dockhands, and the noisy, airborne mafia of seagulls anxiously circles awaiting an opportunity to seize some illicit dinner.

A smell of salty sea air mixes with the aroma of damp rope, wet sackcloth, and a hint of horse dung as KristalClear and NutJob cautiously pick their way through the dockside melee of impatient traders, dilapidated hand carts, Shire horses and heavy duty wagons.

The bustling activity of the docks gives way to the calm and friendly flurry of people going about their business in this pleasant market town. Passing beneath the archway on The Highway, KristalClear is leading NutJob to the prearranged meeting at the Dandy Highwayman Café.

EarlyBird made sure that she had arrived early, and settled down with HopAlong at a table next to the window. Occasionally watching the street, they’ve been trying to pick

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That was more than forty years ago, before Jason Grant had been injured and renamed HopAlong. And before he and Jess were married. She’s always been called EarlyBird, because she has hyperthymia and can get by on just six hours sleep a night. Nowadays the couple rarely comes into town, but when they do, HopAlong and EarlyBird always have a break at the same old Dandy Highwayman Café, and they share a nostalgic moment admiring the coat of arms*. The familiar, historic shield stands two metres high and is topped with the helmet of a black knight, surrounded by oak leaves. But the wolf right at the top seems to be larger and more real than before.

Its three red roses represent Lancashire, the town having been in that county long before Wolfland ever existed. The black wolf wears a leather collar and holds a golden sheaf of wheat, representing the tanning industries and the agricultural markets. A gold shield, with a red strike of lighting, and a cross, hang from a chain below the collar. They signify the area’s engineering heritage, electrical industries, and the early Egyptian Ankh cross represents medicine.

Most impressive is the wolf’s majestic head, breathing fire. The flames signifying the importance of iron smelting to the local economy. The crest bears the motto Optimum Sufficit and above that, instead of Ulverston, the town’s old English name Wulf-heres-tun is picked out in raised brickwork.

Even today, Juniper Henlow likes to point out that Optimum Sufficit means “only the best will do” and that she lived up to the motto when commissioning the new stone arch and the crests!

The bustle of the Pepper Pot Docks has brought new life to the revitalised town of Ulverston. It also brings The Lancastrian to the area every Friday night, and serves as the local distribution hub to get the paper to readers further inland. The ferries run twice a day, but not on Sundays.

It’s not especially big, but it certainly stands out! The Puffin is an extraordinary ferry with two masts and space for about

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Chapter 31
The Dandy Highwayman Café

Ulverston is a charming, honest, little town right at the southern tip of the Lake District, a little nearer to the sea than it once used to be!

When the ancient railway bridges fell into disrepair, and finally collapsed, the canal was reinvigorated and extended to the foot of Hoad Hill. The area developed gradually and organically, becoming an increasingly more important part of the town. In the shadow of the ruins of the old Sir John Barrow Monument the locals took to calling the new Ford Park Docks informally by another name, the Pepper Pot Docks. As far as they were concerned the new Pepper Pot Docks simply had to be named in honour of the old tower.

By 2400AD one canal was no longer enough, so the Chamber had a second one added. Inbound traffic on Salt, and outbound on Pepper! The redevelopment was completed in less than five years but it took another five years before the town’s Chamber agreed that the name the Pepper Pot Docks was so ubiquitous that a relaunch and an official opening was called for.

An impressive, new stone archway was constructed to mark the event. Two massive new crests were prepared in cast iron, to be placed at the apex on each side. Spanning The Highway, the plaques were designed to be unmissable by anyone travelling in either direction between the docks and the town centre.

At the renaming ceremony the mayor proudly unveiled the town’s crest. Justifiably she said, “it gives me the greatest of pleasure to unveil the Ulverston Wolf!” And then Her Worship, Mayor Juniper Henlow delivered a slightly pompous speech about civic dignity, moral duties and Roman Roads of all things! Ending with a what seemed like a history lesson comparing and contrasting Roman Roads and canals, and their combined impact on the reshaping of society!

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“And I’ve never been there before, it’ll be the first time for me!” says NutJob.

“When was the last time you did something for the first time?” says MaxChaos.

“Exactly,” says NutJob, “you do not have to do something new every day. You do not have to do something big. But check in with yourself once every week. If there was nothing new last week, then plan something new for next week.”

As usual KristalClear has the last word, though this time it’s more for HayWire’s benefit than anybody else’s.

“And if you get to two weeks, or three weeks, or even four weeks without an answer, then you must force yourself to try and do something new, even something small and simple, so that you’ll have an answer for yourself the week after that!”

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They look at him, puzzled.

“Wake up guys! Today! You did something new today! You both did skits on that stage! That was brilliant.”

“CandiCrush does Crown Green Bowls,” says KristalClear.

Not having seen her approach, NutJob says, “darling, I was looking for you.”

She takes hold of his hand, “and I was looking for you too!”

“I do Archery sometimes,” says MaxChaos, “helping Mr Rafone with the Sunday League.”

KristalClear adds, “And Mr Rafone and AuntSylvie run a Scrabble Club here.

KristalClear has guessed the general nature of the conversation, and recognises the precise message that NutJob wants to deliver. Her mum had told her about Open Doors, and she had told him, and now he’s passing it forward.

“This is the Open Doors chat isn’t it?” she says.

“You have to open doors,” says NutJob, “to doors that open, to more doors that open, even if you don’t know what’s behind them. Use the mindset ‘go out and do some good in the world’ and you’ll also discover that you’re opening some pretty useful doors!”

“The dots will join up,” says KristalClear, “we don’t know how, and we don’t know when, but it will all fall into place. But you can’t do it if you have no dots.”

NutJob finishes by saying “the one thing you can be sure of, is that if you never do anything, and you never meet anybody, then you’ll never get a girlfriend!

KristalClear changes the subject. With a happy smile she says “Ulverston.”

“Yes! Tell me more.”

“We’re not going to be here for OpenMike Night next week. We’re on the Saturday afternoon ferry and we’ll be met by Constable Burgess, and HopAlong and EarlyBird. I haven’t seen them for years. The last time I was in Ulverston I was only ten years old!”

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