The Noble Coliseum

A digital floorplan of a large building, featuring a central grand hall, an inner west wing with offices, an inner east wing with classrooms, an outer west wing with an old people's home, an outer east wing with rooms for orphans, a broad band featuring dining space, kitchens and recreation rooms. To the north there are two separate smaller blocks with accommodation for junior staff and senior staff. The exterior is labelled with a forecourt, a playground, ornamental gardens, stable yard and a footpath to castle hill. The Noble Coliseum overlaps with the site of the former Lancaster Castle, and incorporates some of the castle's premises. Externally it looks like a small stately home. Allegedly the buildings are haunted by the ghost of Scooby Clueless.Click on image to enlarge

In the print version of the book this floorplan is greyscale.

In about 2200AD the fledgling new territory of “Wolfland” was brought into existence by the Penrith Nobles, all six of them. Their homes were spread throughout the area from Glasson Dock to Carlisle and they were all members of the Ullswater Country Club in the Lake District.

• Brigadier Archibald “Archie” Hetherington – Commanding Officer, Cumbria Garrison, Penrith
• Lady Amanda Farsight – Farmer, Clifton Hall Manor, Penrith
• Angela (Sherlock) Holmes – Lawyer, Police HQ, Carlisle
• Clive (OldBoy) Reeves-Morgan – Academic, Businessman, and Shipping Magnate, Glasson Dock
• Felicity (FeelyGood) Good – Headteacher, Penrith Academy
• Harry (GladHand) Graham – Chair, Carlisle Chamber of Commerce

Their original discussions at the Country Club soon led to the earliest invocation of The Chamber (The Parliament) which was allocated space in Lady Amanda’s home at Clifton Hall Manor.

When the decision came to centralise the new government in a port city on the Irish Sea, neither Carlisle nor Lancaster were ideal, because their nearest harbours are many kilometres out of town. With OldBoy Morgan running his shipping empire from Glasson Dock, and having the family fortune to back him up, Lancaster was chosen. Moreover, the desire was to have a better harbour located nearer to the city.

Lots of factors conspired and led to the creation of the new docks at St George’s Quay. The dilapidation of the castle was one reason, and the rise in sea levels another. Not only did OldBoy Morgan want a bigger, better harbour, he wanted a grand home close to it, and all the Penrith Nobles wanted somewhere better suited  than the Ullswater Country Club or the Penrith Academy to house their government. Although it was a charming place, Lady Amanda’s home at Clifton Hall Manor was simply far too out of the way from the core of everyday life.

By 2208AD Lancaster Castle had to be retired, because the timberwork dating back to the 14th and 15th centuries had gradually declined. All the wood and the stonework were in dangerous condition. After The Decimation in 2162 and The Great Famine there simply was no tourist industry, and there were no further funds for the castle’s upkeep or repair. Non Governmental Organisations and Public Sector Bodies like Historic England had imploded. Telecoms had failed spectacularly, and Royal Mail simply could not function. Money could not be moved around! If there was any money! There was certainly none coming into Lancaster. Survival and pragmatism led the Penrith Nobles to decide upon the demolition of the castle, and the construction of The Noble Court, the Commercial Docks on St George’s Quay and a new Military Docks and Garrison on the site of the old Cricket Club, all by using materials from the old castle and OldBoy Morgan’s personal wealth.

In Lancaster The Noble Court was constructed, in a Georgian Style, using stone from the decommissioned Lancaster Castle. Most of the stone ended up in the harbour wall along St George’s Quay! The Noble Court was built to house the main ministries. The former Castle once again became home to a prison, and the law courts. A stable yard and two elaborate accommodation blocks were built at the rear to house the nobles. One wing of the new building was developed into a school so that FeelyGood could continue her work alongside her new role as Minister of Education, and the other wing housed clerical and domestic staff. Ownership of the property remained in the name of OldBoy Morgan and his descendants for several generations.

When the direct line of descendants came to an end The Noble Court was bequeathed to The Chamber and renamed The Noble Coliseum.

The remoter relatives of the nobles, Imogen Farsight and Miina Reeves-Morgan, still live at Glasson Dock and run the main shipping and engineering firms.

After going through a number of changes the Noble Coliseum is now the multi purpose institution that it is today (2450AD). Alongside many worthy community initiatives it provides a home for some of Lancaster’s elderly and orphans. Some of the Nobles’ personal tastes are still evident in the names of the East Wing and the West Wing, and many of the main rooms and outbuildings.

Within the hallowed, echo-filled walls of their new home (ordained for future greatness), Brigadier Hetherington, Lady Amanda and OldBoy Morgan engaged in a deeply personal act of curation, bestowing upon many facilities the name of a cherished luminary. It was their way of weaving the ephemeral brilliance of their favourite minds into the very architecture of their lives, ensuring the revered figures were forever immortalised within the aptly titled rooms and buildings.

Now, part orphanage, part old people’s home, part hospice, and part adult education centre, the Noble Coliseum is a microcosm of society all within one building. The Trafalgar Wing is home to about 30 retirees and the Blenheim Wing has about 30 orphans. The Noble Coliseum is run by a staff of about 30, half of whom live on site.

The Kipling Room at the Coliseum is in effect the staff room. Officially it’s the quiet lounge for the retirees, with tall French windows opening onto the small ornamental garden. The unwritten rule is “sixteen plus” although younger orphans are permitted as long as they can use some common sense. The rationale is that they can only pick up good manners, by seeing other people using good manners.

The younger crowd, meaning those aged ten and below have the Churchill Room as a play room. It’s affectionately known to the staff as “The Noisy Lounge”.

On Saturday evenings Mr Rafone hosts “OpenMike Night” in the Great Hall. He’s a volunteer who’s there regularly on Saturdays helping out generally, helping orphaned children with their school work, helping them with some fun stuff, and he’s somebody they can just talk to confidentially if they want to. In the absence of cinemas, and other old fashioned social entertainment “OpenMike Night” is the town’s biggest multi purpose event, a variety show, with song, dance, music, stories, magicians, comedy skits or anything really.

The Noble Coliseum is central to life in Lancaster and is a cosmopolitan melting pot of young and old, and people from all walks of society. All thanks to the wise decisions of the Penrith Nobles, and the generosity of OldBoy Morgan.

No other institution has successfully brought together a diverse group of people, spanning all ages and social backgrounds, creating a vibrant, harmonious atmosphere. Though Carlisle, and Ulverston, and Preston would all like to emulate it.